Monday, January 18, 2010

I did this to myself! Full Circle MOMENT

A week ago...excited at the amazing motivation and passion I had for writing it led me to do things I shouldn't have. I wanted this to be a place where I could come and write without someone telling me to " be careful and remember your purpose". Although it upsets me to know that by telling my mom about what I was doing or posting my vague excitement on facebook, I in turn caused the interest by those interested parties... so full circle moment is that I am scared to be successful. When I tell my Mother of my project she  wanted the details about what I was writing about and the address. I told her that I needed to care about myself now, and not give out the address because it was imperative for my writing to be without anxiousness. So that it could flow freely. At one point I ended up saying well... if you know me, I am sure you can figure it out if you really wanted to find it. That wasn't an invitation to scour the internet for it. But none the less... I know that I come from a long line of women who have the super capable researching gene...and I knew that it was exposed if it hadn't been already. However. I take full responsibility for this failure. It was my pride that wanted recognition. Lesson Learned! #redo #updateprocess&outcome #besuccessful

As I hung up the phone...#regret, I knew right then and there that I had ruined my writing mojo and project. And haven't written since...until today. This post though is to say goodbye. I have confirmation. I asked for advice and I got my answer.

Its in the past... I can't talk about it...cause its over~!

Peace Out!

Monday, January 11, 2010

I'm shocked and then again, I'm not...not another young girl...

Have something pretty heavy to talk about. My hubby's coworker who was a young, smart and happy 22 girl was murdered by her possessive psycho maniac Marine boyfriend Saturday night. He then took his own life. My hubby on Friday was concerned about her because she is always reliable and on time...she was a no call no show. A couple of his manager friends shared the same worry for her and they tried to alert the police, sadly were told that they need the family to file a missing person report. The management team got on Google and knew where her parents lived and tried to find them that way. They were very concerned for her safety. The number that they got for the family turned up cold... then it was common knowledge at work that she was now "missing". Yesterday the police found them dead, shot, murder-suicide. He was 24. Sadness couldn't sum up the feeling for the lose of this young woman. Everyone's asking...did I do enough? Did I know that she was in a seriously abusive relationship...what part of the guilt is mine that I should own... Here is the reality of such heinousness. The sin of taking an innocent life...acting selfish, possessive, narcissistic and egomaniacal....for your own power and control...that is evil...It is negative. This is what an earth looks like, a society of women being killed by their loved ones, a place where what should never happens comes as another blurb on the tv. The pain caused to her branches out to all that she touch or knew when she was alive and the new ties of those who her story will touch. It does not have to weigh heavy on our heart. What's done is done the past is unchangeable. We are not designed to walk around playing the would've, should've game. We are designed to honor her life.  and in honoring her life...take what is incredibly unfair in this world and make something positive come from it. Hopefully all who have been touched by her story, will now look at relationships differently. Pay attention at the signs where domestic violence occurs. Loss of friends, She can't do anything anymore, controlled in thought, speech, extreme anxiety, extreme worry. Has she tried to leave before?, how many times? and how successful is she at separating herself from her. The problem with these types of relationships, and I know this because I was blessed with getting out of that the controller, the punisher, the tormentor who is supposedly the one who loves her...he has detached her from her normal support group, her family, her friends and coworkers so they can't influence her to not listen and do as he tells her. To get out of something like this... she needs someone to be there for her unwaivering and has to deal with having a friendship that is draining and usually pushed away from time to time... But someone has to be there for her when she gets that ounce of thought and energy to get out. My best friend was there for me and was instrumental for me being alive today...happy mom of three, wife to one =). We have to be ready to jump on the opportunity to offer protection, shelter, food, and money. This person is coming out of a post-shock syndrome. It has been a battlefield to stay alive each day... everyday compromising more of live another day. It is my wish someday that women all around the world would be treated with respect, love and honor...and not just taking in a blink of an eye because someone was sad. RIP D...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Full Circle moment...

The pictures below are from the last time I made french toast...and I took pictures thinking I would up it on my blog... never used them...I guess I did it for today...the pictures were hand delivered to me...It was so that is why you will see 275 instead of 200 etc... I also noticed a funny pattern... these pics have the date of Jan. 3, 2009...I must make french toast after the new must be my thing and I didn't even realize...LOL... well, definitely a new tradition for sure! Enjoy!

Better the second day!

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Stuck on Technology...what have we become?

Just to set the story:
#1:  7 year old boy with amazing charisma and leadership qualities
#2:  5 year old girl going on 48
#3:  3 year old hollywood stuntman

Hubby: 39 year old wondering if he is about to get old this year...
Me: 32 year old who is the observer...

Today I wanted to be all domestic so I got up and decided to make French Toast. I don't make many homemade breakfasts but this is one I do well...and the kids love! We all love it! But I now know that everyone just loves powdered sugar! After cutting bread cubes, mixing eggs with cinnamon and heavy cream....frying them to crispy yummy goodness...kept warm in an oven...everything was going like clockwork...and this time...I was expanding the recipe to make extras for the next day which is even better than the first day's batch... which is pretty good already! As I got it all cooked... and set the table, which I actually got my #3 to help me with the plates =) got drinks all ready, napkins, syrup... called everyone...and then went to go get the sugar. I always have powdered sugar for this reason and I have to have homemade cream cheese frosting or buttercream frosting...or chocolate frosting from scratch... its pretty easy to do....I mean I hate tedious work...but its fast and easy and makes way better frosting than the canned frosting. YUCK! was disappointing to know that there would be no powdered sugar...we all tried to make the best of it and use syrup...which we tend to not use when we have the sugar...but it was ok...lets just say...we didn't save the extra toasts that I originally made =(

So what did I learn? always have some things on had that are your help you look like you can whip it all up so easily. HOW Amazing! Good job MOM! Nice Skills... we don't get many chances to do that with our families as in the past...I think... so try once a month to make a treat or something fun the whole family can participate in... many hands make light work...and then you have something yummy to eat at the end! WIN-WIN!

So here we are. Sitting at the table. This is what mothers do. They imagine this moment...when she can look at her family all sitting quietly in their seats. Folded hands in lap. Smiling happy faces. Hubby doting at wife. looked more like a scene from Cheaper by the Dozen. Kids screaming, standing on their chairs, reaching across the table grabbing food...dropping pieces everywhere all over the floor... sticky spoons and forks from maple syrup drizzled everywhere... then I look deeper and I notice that everyone was stuck on their damn technology...even I was to be honest... I was sending a picture of the toast to Facebook...I mean what kind of a freak does this? My mom always hated how my Nana took so many pictures (and she still had to wait for them to develop...we can instantly send, post, morph, change to sepia, FB wall, blog it, post a Twitpic or even actually print it...I know...a real hard copy)... it bugged her to death!...and then in some way she didn't really want to take pics of us a lot as kids...and always told my Dad to stop being like Nana... but honestly my Dad, Aunt and my two sisters and I are addicted to taking pics and posting them as they occur on FB and video too... Ha! Its in our blood! I can't resist the urge!

So after I was done with my posting and I deemed it rude to use technology at the table (hehe) I asked for immediate withdrawal from all technology at the table. I saw all three kids tapping away at their DS's and my hubby probably sending an email to someone one the free site on Craigslist. WHAT AN ADDICT! LOL. So I demanded that everyone unman their technology and put it down....with some resistance and after getting Dad finally on board, everyone relented...and laid it down. I thought we were out of the I started to talk and enjoy myself... within two minutes Dad starts to touch a button here and there and then as I said stop....he went into a full swoop and picked up his Android and started right where he left off...and then with that action....each kid #1 first then #2 and finally #3 realizing something exciting was happening at the table grabbed his and flipped it open. Within 35 seconds they were back online...all four! I stood up and scream, "Put the technology down! Put the technology down...its going to be okay...put it down....thats it..." I had the hardest time with  #4 big baby hubby! He finally put it down...but wouldn't hand it over to me... he put it off to the side to keep it "safe". What ADDICTS! I Love my Techie Family though! =)

French Toast:

Loaf of sandwich bread - white or wheat (I use white...but have tried wheat...which was still yummy)

I take a bread knife and cut four times making 9 squares.

Then in a bowl I put many eggs 10? with some heavy cream or milk... and some cinnamon... I also have added sugar free vanilla syrup... I guess I could have added vanilla extract =) I have made these too with eggnog...yummy!

Whip the eggs, milk and cinnamon...

I usually have two skillets going... with a huge tong or fork to turn the toasts... remember they all need to be turned...sounds like extra work cutting them up in little squares but makes for nice maximum crunchiness =)

Then I quickly toss the squares (two handfuls) into the bowl lightly tossing them...don't want them to get too soggy... just coated nicely...

Then this gets messy...but sometimes you just need to let go and get messy in the kitchen... cooking is fun...go with it!

add Vegetable oil to the pans covering the pan and enough to fry the bread.

Heat it up real well...too early your bread will be soaked with oil...YUCK

Then when hot enough... add squares... laying squares carefully in one layer if possible... let cook for a minute or so.... check doneness on the one side.   When golden brown....use big bbq tongs and scoop sideways grabbing a few at a time to flip... touch the toasts light and breezy ;)

I put two cookie sheets or pans in the oven at 200 to keep the toasts warm as I keep cooking more... makes it nice and crunchy!

Take the toasts out when both sides are golden brown...if there a couple of darker pieces...keep them...with the powdered sugar they still taste yummy and even better on day two...

Put toast in oven to continue.
If done... lay toasts out on a trivet on the table and heavily sprinkle with powdered sugar... let sit for a couple of minutes...

Extra toasts... sprinkle them with the powdered sugar now and if you already did...add a little bit more...put it in a container and put in the Fridge...later that night or the next them cold! They are soooooo goood that way!


Friday, January 8, 2010

We did something right by our!

Hi all! How was everyone's day? Mine started off rough... today was crazy hair day at #1 and #2's school. #2 also got to wear her pajamas! NICE! No outfit to find ;)... sadly... I had to put pj's on her. She hates wearing clothes and hates blankets when she sleeps...what a nudist! Decided the fastest, cutest and easiest way to do her hair was tiny braids all I worked away at that while hubby glued #1's hair strait up into a cool mohawk! He has skater/surfer it was the perfect length! We did pretty good on time until we were piling out of the van and I realized the backpacks that I gave hubby to put in the car were MIA...Now we needed to go back home and come back...Ahhhhh! But on a high note... as I went with my son to his line...his classmates and teacher in unison...screamed, "Wow!" #1 was a pretty happy boy right there.
#2 was worried that her new cute pink christmas Spongebob pj's would be a. too babyish b. out of season...when I cruised by her class to check out her morning...she smiled back to me with thumbs up! =)

Yes! We did something right! Yahoooooo!

Later I went to each of their classrooms to give them their lunch money and backpacks... #1 jumped up smiling...said everyone loves his hair...and that he loved me... and #2 was making pancakes (five year olds) on a flat griddle with a room mom...(Hey room mom, thanks for doing that with my kid!) She couldn't have been happier!

As I walked away...two years of worrying that I put them in the wrong school...evaporated... and I knew that we were blessed to be there. Thank you for that blessing!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Something just occured to me...

I was just opening up the value coupon envelope and in it was an ad for liposuction. They had two pics, a before and an after. The before was to be as expected...fat, jiggly, white, cellulite and yucky. =) Sounds like something I've seen before LOL... and the after photo was of a fat, jiggly, white, cellulity woman. She went from 42" to 38" waist. That's it? That's the best results they had to promote their business? What's sadder is the fact that we will spend $1000's of dollars on liposuction to just help us shed a couple of pounds...when there are staving people in this world...even in America. I mean...really... we have overindulged in crappy food...made ourselves fat! and now we need the quick fix...with no hard work involved. We spend even more of our precious money to have it sucked out...and probably don't learn our lesson...back up in pounds and probably fatter by the next year. What a slap in the face for starving people of the world. WE ARE GLUTTONS! LOL... but I sure do love my Jack in the Box with Ranch! AND a Diet Coke... addicted nation!

What a day! Already...

So my hubby joined a swingers club...I said, check it out... let see if he really means it of if he is just pushing my buttons...LOL. Today was my day to volunteer in my daughters kindergarten room. It was fun! I helped the kids paint a penguin. If someone said tomorrow you are going to paint 30 penguins with 5 year olds...I would say, "What that is too hard!" But with a couple of shapes (who knew!) you can easily draw one. So now I want to buy some paints and brushes for the kids and I (remembered how much fun painting is!).

So on Thursdays there is another dad that volunteers... we will call him SAHD for short (stay at home dad). He's cool. Today was no one point I overheard him networking with a five year old, stating that he worked on a project with that company at one time...the five year old was like oh... and he said, "no really I did..." It was hilarious! Nice try SAHD! See its hard when the only people you get to talk to are 5.

Well...just wanted to post that real fast. Hope your day is going well. Mine is! After school we are going to a park date to ride bikes.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

So I'm back... overcoming the obstacles...

When I start things I tend to get so excited about the entire project and vow to stick with it...but by day two...mind you still syked about the project but want to be lazy and go lay down and watch tv with my hubby... tonight is his night off and tomorrow...but does that mean that I don't work on those days? Or do I need to plan to work earlier that day to leave my night open... that sounds about right. I'm new to just figuring it out! I want to do well and be successful. I need to do these things for myself and for my family...but especially for myself! So despite the obstacles put before me...that want to entice me away from my dreams...I keep moving forward...just a little more... and I did it. Here I am posting on day two. Glad your here! Really! Hi! =) I do want this to be about sharing. About inspiring. About supporting and caring... Its like a Care Bear episode! Shit! Well.. it is what it is. We just need to get past that and move forward people! =) With smiles. Because we realize we are able to think deeper than the ego...past the pride and hurt and humiliation and fear and sadness and worry and see that there are things that if we let get a hold of our heart, that will occupy it and manifest sadness and disconnect or we can look deeper into our lives, into the peoples' lives around us and try to understand and have empathy for what they have experienced, are going through or must endure...the suffering is out is a real force but we don't have to fall into the negative think trap syndrome. We can try to see why, what, who, when and where about the things in our lives...we can try to see that healing needs to happen. I believe healing has to happen with healing ourselves so that we can help others heal... #justsayin...

So I helped a friend out in need tonight. She called me out of the blue...well, we do talk most days, but this was a desperation call... I knew that I was needed to stop and listen. She needed advice...and so many times...we feel like this. Like we need advice and we don't know what to do...and know that everyone that you talk with has some of their own intentions mixed in with their advice...hey why not right? Well being that outside person that doesn't gain from any point in the situation is a blessing... and I wanted to bless her...and help her out. That, my friends is a blessing from God... a close friends ear to expose your true self to. That friendship is special...and I like that I am available to her.

As I do not like to talk about friends... I do want to talk about a situation and feelings that are very devastating. You are the step mom with his child coming into the mix. You accept all as your own and have been their to raise her. Biological Mother is starting to call regularly and showing interest, daughter is enjoying this new relationship, father is getting along with Bio. Mom. My Friend was just about to serve an amazing pork tenderloin, with a sauce from scratch, vegetables, Yams mashed with butter and brown was going to be great::::::::scretch::::::::::::::: this woman just calls, ruins my dinner...everyone was getting along and I was sooooooo Angry!

Her feelings were normal and natural...however due to extra circumstances your idea of dinner was interrupted. She finally saw that she was angry that everyone wasn't enjoying her great dinner and praising her. She was angry because this woman who just barges in comes into her dining room (thru the phone LOL) and gets all chummy chummy with her hubby and daughter is enjoying her too... doesn't she realize that I'm the one that does it day in and day out...I'm the one who deals with her temper tantrums, I'm the one that is there for her when she doesn't feel good.... WHO ARE YOU?

And while her feelings are right on and real they are her feelings about her reality...not her daughters...and she sees that this is something that a mother will have to sacrifice for her daughter...her feelings...about this situation and realize that that is her beef with the bio. mom not her daughters... we KNOW that women need to have a link to their mothers... we KNOW what havok is reaked if a girl feels abandoned by her mother...If my friend loves her daughter...she KNOWS how important it is for her daughter to have the ability to have this relationship with her Bio. Mom. For the sake of her daughters self-esteem as a young woman. so my Friend must sacrifice her reality and hurt/sadness so that her daughter can heal from this cyclic pain passed on generation after generation. She also needs to understand that kids get what their parents are about. Her daughter will realize what her Bio. Mom is really don't need to drill it in to their heads...because of your need to give your children their best possible life...and in the pursuit to do this for your children, you foster that relationship so that your daughter who you love can bloom as an adult and not be so bogged down with hurts, pains and hangups... you want your children to have a couple little bang ups....some small scratches here and there... but protect them! They are precious and the world is harsh! When I say protect them... I do not mean control them.. I mean...if you see something that is potentially harmful, educate that they can make the right choice...I above all believe in trust! You CANNOT have LOVE without TRUST! #Fact!

Our job as parents is to put our EGO to the side...see the problem through our children's eyes... help them deal with their worries...celebrate with them on their accomplishments and keep promoting exactly who they are and want to that they can have their best possible life... my life still exists... yes...but they are priority! As parents we need to heal the past hurts done to us by seeing, recognizing and identifying what is actually was, possible reasons of why and then thats it. ITS OVER. Get an understanding so that you can avoid those mistakes... but the faster you get with it....the sooner you heal. And when you are healing and being healed you can heal others...because your energy is glowing.

Well... I rambled on and on tonight...but I hope that it helps somoeone. Okay! Well... Goodnight!

above picture is from here.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What are some of your personas?

Something occured to me right now. Just to be honest. I do have a "normal" twitter account for my friends and family "filter" but this blog and twitter account is for my true self persona. I'm gonna try it on for size. Do you find yourself putting off different images on different sites? Blogs, etsy, CL, ebay, Message Boards, Members only sites, social networking and so on. Just writing those couple of ideas I can already see who I am to each of those sites:

Blogs: I have a few and each one tells an aspect of who I am... soul searcher, mother, wife, dieter, muse, seller of things, deal finder, silly, feeling down, inspired...all aspects of the Harmony.

Selling accounts, Ebay, Etsy...: what you are interested in...or how well you know the market. Strong, Aggressive, High Customer satisfaction, social responsibility and honesty. you lurk on the free page...ready to nab the next item with your sob story. Or do you frequent the Rants and Raves and spout hate on the page? or are you hoping and wishing that by some weird cosmic chance : Missed connections could actually work... that page, is for the dreamers...there is something for everyone.

So who are you on the web... how does it change and why?

Hey...Welcome! This is my first time here on this page too!

So it has been decided. I am finally ready to realize my destiny and become a writer. It's hard for me to think of myself in that way... When you are a are exposed. You write about Truth, Beauty, Love and what's the other thing...dang! Ah...yes...HARMONY! You have to be ready for people to ridicule, attack, judge or twist the truth... but that is the side that stops us in our tracks trying to fufill our destiny. Resist those negative thoughts...they don't even exist yet! We must also remember that Energy is neither created nor destroyed, it's either endothermic or exothermic... matter is always following a pattern of usuablity. We must trust that the other side of the spectrum is valid and true. And that we know on the positive side... people could also, cry, laugh, smile, heal, be happy, enjoy, share with other, support, start a dialogue and evolve from there. I am choosing to focus on the positive aspects of writing and just do it! Stop talking about it!

"When you ought you must" what my Mom drilled into me! When I think of women writers, I think of women wearing smart tailored skirt suits, walking with a Starbucks and Blackberry in one hand and her briefcase in the other. Hustling off to her big city high rise office where she sits and eats cookies while typing away. The office is kinda noisy but the good kind of noisy... where everyone is excited on what they are working on. There is a sense of pride on their floor because they are writers! Smart, elloquient, risk takers, witty, uncovering stories or uplifting others through their weekly column. This I know, is not how most "writers" operate...but it sure sounds amazing!

I'd say, "Steve, can you track down that woman I met at Starbucks yesterday to set up an interview about her experience? Apparently she thinks they are deliberately adding real sugar instead of the splenda she has been asking for. She is not sure if its a conspiracy because she says she tries to leave a dollar in the tip jar often..."

That's a real story. I think people are so....what's the ummmm.... they act... abused. We as a collective society have been hurt in some ways...and in not dwelling on the past which we cannot change... we are guarded... we have our walls up at all times... taught don't talk to anyone, don't engage anyone in conversation... how will you respond, what will they say... what if I don't know what to say, or if I say the wrong thing... oh... this social interaction with a fellow community member is so hard! I will just look at up at the ceiling beams, they won't stop to talk to me then.

We put ourselves through so much unnecessary torment when we let fear take over our thoughts and feelings.

Great example... and my @Hubby will love that he gets a mention but we were driving to pick up the two oldest from school...he has two options for left turning lane...and he knowingly goes next to a womans' car who I have talked with on's not that I am trying to be antisocial... I just GET NERVOUS! I don't feel pretty enough... is my hair brushed?...what am I wearing? what shoes do I have on...? etc etc. I am insecure when it comes to being comfortable in my own skin at my kids' school . These women...look great...thin, athletic, nicely dressed, hair did, nails did, makeup on!, jewelry: bling bling!, shoes clean and stylish...workout outfits that are actually sweaty from playing tennis...or working out. Novel Idea! These women are impressive. The energy they put into their appearance is enough to give them the confidence to pull up along side another person and smile. So.... in theory then I cause my own misery...felling ugly, not put together, I can't feel comfortable without putting in some more ENERGY! Ahhh...what you put get out...what the heck...what is this... The Karate Kid? LOL!

Nice meeting you! See...I'm Social!

Maybe I've talked about it: