So I helped a friend out in need tonight. She called me out of the blue...well, we do talk most days, but this was a desperation call... I knew that I was needed to stop and listen. She needed advice...and so many times...we feel like this. Like we need advice and we don't know what to do...and know that everyone that you talk with has some of their own intentions mixed in with their advice...hey why not right? Well being that outside person that doesn't gain from any point in the situation is a blessing... and I wanted to bless her...and help her out. That, my friends is a blessing from God... a close friends ear to expose your true self to. That friendship is special...and I like that I am available to her.
As I do not like to talk about friends... I do want to talk about a situation and feelings that are very devastating. You are the step mom with his child coming into the mix. You accept all as your own and have been their to raise her. Biological Mother is starting to call regularly and showing interest, daughter is enjoying this new relationship, father is getting along with Bio. Mom. My Friend was just about to serve an amazing pork tenderloin, with a sauce from scratch, vegetables, Yams mashed with butter and brown sugar...it was going to be great::::::::scretch::::::::::::::: this woman just calls, ruins my dinner...everyone was getting along and I was sooooooo Angry!
Her feelings were normal and natural...however due to extra circumstances your idea of dinner was interrupted. She finally saw that she was angry that everyone wasn't enjoying her great dinner and praising her. She was angry because this woman who just barges in comes into her dining room (thru the phone LOL) and gets all chummy chummy with her hubby and daughter is enjoying her too... doesn't she realize that I'm the one that does it day in and day out...I'm the one who deals with her temper tantrums, I'm the one that is there for her when she doesn't feel good.... WHO ARE YOU?
And while her feelings are right on and real they are her feelings about her reality...not her daughters...and she sees that this is something that a mother will have to sacrifice for her daughter...her feelings...about this situation and realize that that is her beef with the bio. mom not her daughters... we KNOW that women need to have a link to their mothers... we KNOW what havok is reaked if a girl feels abandoned by her mother...If my friend loves her daughter...she KNOWS how important it is for her daughter to have the ability to have this relationship with her Bio. Mom. For the sake of her daughters self-esteem as a young woman. so my Friend must sacrifice her reality and hurt/sadness so that her daughter can heal from this cyclic pain passed on generation after generation. She also needs to understand that kids get what their parents are about. Her daughter will realize what her Bio. Mom is really like...you don't need to drill it in to their heads...because of your anger...you need to give your children their best possible life...and in the pursuit to do this for your children, you foster that relationship so that your daughter who you love can bloom as an adult and not be so bogged down with hurts, pains and hangups... you want your children to have a couple little bang ups....some small scratches here and there... but protect them! They are precious and the world is harsh! When I say protect them... I do not mean control them.. I mean...if you see something that is potentially harmful, educate them...so that they can make the right choice...I above all believe in trust! You CANNOT have LOVE without TRUST! #Fact!
Our job as parents is to put our EGO to the side...see the problem through our children's eyes... help them deal with their worries...celebrate with them on their accomplishments and keep promoting exactly who they are and want to be...so that they can have their best possible life... my life still exists... yes...but they are priority! As parents we need to heal the past hurts done to us by seeing, recognizing and identifying what is actually was, possible reasons of why and then thats it. ITS OVER. Get an understanding so that you can avoid those mistakes... but the faster you get with it....the sooner you heal. And when you are healing and being healed you can heal others...because your energy is glowing.
Well... I rambled on and on tonight...but I hope that it helps somoeone. Okay! Well... Goodnight!
above picture is from here.